Are You In Control?
Are you in control of your emotions? When you feel anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt, resentment, betrayal, loneliness, etc. are these emotions in or out of proportion to the situation you are in? Do you take charge of your thoughts and are they mainly positive or negative? When a negative thought comes in, do you stop it or entertain it and allow it to spiral into more negative thoughts? Are bad habits (e.g. smoking, drinking too much, overeating, etc.) controlling you or are you in charge of only positive behaviours and habits? Having answered these questions, do you feel like you are in control of yourself or not?
Whom/What Are You Controlling?
Some people who feel out of control themselves, unconsciously seek to control other people. For example, by playing a victim role, getting angry, bullying, creating dramas, buying gifts, etc., they unconsciously create a dynamic where they are in control in that relationship. Other people who feel out of control, unconsciously seek to control things and their environment. For example, overeating, drinking too much, being addicted or obsessed by games, smoking, etc.
At the end of the day, these people are ultimately not in control of themselves. That is the real issue. Until that is addressed, they will keep creating the same dynamics with people, things and their environment.
You are personally responsible for four things: how you think, how you feel, how you act and how you influence others. Other people are also responsible for four things: how they think, how they feel, how they act and how they influence you and others.
When you start to focus on how you can control what others say, think and do, you are focusing on what is beyond your control. Because this is beyond your control and you want to control it, you may feel frustrated or angry about the situation e.g. sitting in bumper to bumper traffic and being unable to control the traffic.
Instead, focus on what you can control – changing your thoughts, feelings, actions and communication. How could you take more charge of how you think, feel and act so that you are happier and more fulfilled in life? How can you improve your communication and avoid misunderstandings and conflict?
The first thing to realise is that people who trust themselves, trust others and the flow of life. Therefore, they find no need to control other people and situations. It is only people who have trust issues that feel the need to control others and situations. These people need to learn to trust themselves first in order to trust others.
Focus on you and taking charge of how you think, feel and act so you regain control of your behaviour and your life. Address past emotions, limiting beliefs and internal conflicts, so that you can take charge of creating a life you truly desire.
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author (of the Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence), speaker, media commentator, and the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with multi award-winning company, Qt. She holds a PhD, a BEc and is passionate about helping professionals and individuals to improve their confidence, emotional and mental wellbeing and success. For more free resources please visit www.qttransformation.com
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