What is Jealousy?
Jealousy is an emotion that people feel out of insecurity about themselves. It is a feeling you feel when you are upset, angry and/or resentful towards someone else for their success, for who they are with or what they have.
Jealousy can cause us to act unkindly towards others. We can be jealous of:
- others’ successes and achievements
- what other people have e.g. car, house, business, job, wealth, etc
- other people’s partner, family, friends, colleagues, networks, etc.
- other people’s lifestyle
- other people’s appearance and dress style
- other people’s personality traits
Jealousy can be a hidden unconscious emotion and you may be unaware of it. So below are some signs to help you to identify any jealousy you may have. In particular, pay attention if you do more than two of the below or do at least one of the below more than a few times.
- You Ignore
When your family, friends, colleagues have a success or achievement you ignore it. You avoid replying to their emails, calls or texts, and pretend you never knew or heard of their success. You may even go to the extreme of avoiding any contact with that person as their presence is a reminder of your insecurity about yourself.
- You Pretend
You pretend you are happy when other people succeed, yet deep down inside the green eyed monster lurks. You feel resentful of their success and begrudgingly compliment them. You pause a while before responding to someone’s success as you carefully consider your reply.
- You Copy
Jealous people are insecure and they will often copy others who are successful because their own low self-belief and lack of confidence prevents them from creating something unique. You copy how successful people look, dress, talk, write, etc. so you feel better about yourself.
- You Compete
You flaunt your success rather than celebrating others’ success when they share it with you. You keep up with the Jones’ so you prove that you are as worthy as those who are successful. You may even compete for attention from your manager, friends, partner or family. This unhealthy competition can lead to financial issues, and can sour personal and professional relationships.
- You Undermine
You downplay others’ success by purposefully mentioning people even more successful than they are to make their accomplishments seem smaller. You are never impressed, brush off their success and put their success down to luck rather than effort. You gossip, criticise, spread rumours about others, and put them down so that you feel better about yourself.
- You Rage
News of others’ success has you go into a jealous rage. You have a jealous tantrum and make it all about how you are feeling. This takes the focus off their success. The jealousy and anger you feel is so intense that you are unable to contain your emotions. They erupt like a volcano. This is a sign you really need to address the jealousy and anger before someone gets hurt.
From Jealous to Joyous
To overcome jealousy once and for all and be truly joyous for others’ success, you need to:
- Own It: Take responsibility for feeling the jealousy, stop blaming others and their success on how you feel.
- Let it Go: Address the jealousy and related emotions and insecurities at the unconscious level because that is where they reside.
- Focus on You: Focus on where you are now, which areas of your life you wish to change or improve. Set goals, take action and watch the success flow.
- Feel the Joy: Joy for others begins with joy for yourself. Once you do the above, you will improve your own confidence and success, and feel real joy!
Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author (of the Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence), speaker, media commentator, and the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with multi award-winning company, Qt. She holds a PhD, a BEc and is passionate about helping professionals and individuals to improve their confidence, emotional and mental wellbeing and success. For more free resources please visit www.qttransformation.com
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